The choice & the focus

 Our lives are created, determined and shaped by the choices that we make. Each and every singe choice that YOU make has a consequence. Whatever motivated your choice will not change the consequences.

Yes, we will put what motivated our choice on the table to make us look or feel better. Maybe to create some understanding with the party that got influenced by the choice. Hopefully it may lesson the consequences of your choice. Who knows, but there will be consequences and you need to take responsibility for them. If you don't it will just happen again.

Because our choices are highly motivated and driven by emotions attached to past experiences, it becomes very important to separate yourself from the past. Why? Because a past emotional experience shapes a new found truth within you. You will apply this truth to every similar situation even if it is not the truth in that specific situation. But you unconsciously go and look for things to support your truth.....and believe me you will and always do find things (mostly way out of context) to support YOUR truth.

So how do we prevent these past emotional truths that was formed from shaping our future?

I believe that we need to shift our focus. Start focusing on the present and the future. When we allow our focus to wonder in the past, those emotional truths will always be in control. It has been scientifically proven that in any situation we take in 6 units of emotion and just 1 unit of data. So the data, the reality, the real truth does not stand a chance if we allow our focus to be in the past.

So focus on the present and give the present a fair chance. It may just give you the greatest gift......helping you to let go of the past.

Success & Failure

There is something that have been on my heart the last few months. It is heavy on my heart as it is something which I have failed in in a certain area of my life.

In the process I hurt someone whom I cherish and love greatly. All hope is on saving the relationship, yet I am facing the consequences of my choices.....and might regret it for the rest of my life.

What I wish to share in short is the following:
Life is all about the choices we make and the relationships we have. Our choices are greatly emotionally charged in that initial moment as it get's influenced by past experiences and it blinds us to the reality and the truth. Yet the very choice has consequences the moment you take action on it. Regret and guilt waits at the next table for you when your eyes open to the truth and reality. And that table is not fine dining, it is dressed with food that turns your stomach, brings tears to your eyes, sleepless nights and desperation for restoration.

It is so important for us to take it slower, be open for growth and to let go of all the stuff that we tend to hold onto for protection, justification and a sense of false self worth. We all want to have success and happiness in life and our relationships. That is what drives us to make the decisions we do! Sadly most of these decisions are driven by fear from these past experiences.

It is important to realise that strong and healthy relationships is not the result of success. Success is the result of strong and healthy relationships having been built and kept in place.
Just as hurt and broken relationships is not the result of failure, but failure is the result of relationships that got hurt and broken.

Therefore, let your main and most important focus be on the relationships in life that matters most.....and not the stuff that have attached itself to your life through the years. When I talk about stuff, I refer to feelings, experiences, events and beliefs you have built up through your life......and they are just your own perspective on that specific situation.....it does not mean it applies to any other situation you find yourself in. 

Leadership

 "The problem with the world is that we have so many managers, but not enough leaders!" - Frans Stroebel

Today there is such a big focus on turning people into leaders. What is being presented is the 5 steps and the 7 steps of what you need to do in order to become a good leader.

Reality......you can apply the 5 steps and do all 7 steps, but unless you grow in your entire being to become a good leader those steps will make no difference.

The role of a leader is to Provide and Protect. Until your being grows into this role....you cannot be a good leader. So what does this role look like you may ask? To Provide and Protect includes two areas:

1) Trust
        a. Character
        b. Competence
2) Security
        a. Emotional (attitude) stability
        b. Financial responsibility

Just look at the areas where you step into a leader role: marriage, family, team leader, supervisor, manager, director, CEO, minister and president. This list is not complete!

What does your relationships look like within these areas? We are so quick to blame other people and other things when these are not good. Yet if you go and look at these with great honesty in line with Trust and Security.......where do you need to grow? What do you need to ask forgiveness for? What do you need to take responsibility for?

Again I will say, that at the heart of success lies relationship.

Trust.....what now?

A while ago I went to see the Head of Department in a very large organization. The purpose was to see if they have any need for my services - which is to increase performance by focusing on character, trust, etc. - and also at the same time to get advice on what needs there currently are in these large private corporates.

My experience of the meeting was good. There was no need for my services, but a commitment was made to forward a couple of contacts to me and let me know about a possible intervention where I can support them.

I never heard anything so I followed up. A commitment was made on when he was going to send me the information. Yet, that day came and went...along with the same excuse as previously. A new commitment was made and again, that day came and went.

My question is, how does one go about this.......especially when you learn from this experience that your services, especially where trust is concerned, are so needed there. How do you go about this without upsetting the potential client and 'pissing' him off?

If this is my experience, how many others in his department and company is having the same experience? And what are the consequences?

Where in my life am I making commitments and fail to honor them? What are the unconscious consequences of this in my life?