Letting go.....

Just yesterday I was asked by a friend if it is possible to ever be satisfied in life. Or will there always be something more that you need, that you want?

When you get the house you wanted.....then you wish to have a bigger one or one with a swimming pool or three garages, etc.

Yes it is possible. When you get to the place where you are satisfied with who you are, then you can be satisfied with what you have in life when you have achieved your dream. However, what I did realise is what we do struggle with is "letting go".

Letting go of something or someone that we truly want, love and appreciate. Letting go requires you to completely give away all efforts (however conscious or unconscious) you are making to have some sort of control. To have an imput of some sort......to be present or thought of. Doing a favour just so that he/she will not forget you (has to think of you!).

Why is this so difficult, this letting go?

I know that I'm struggling letting go of someone at the moment because it is so damn hard believing that you will win her heart back......that she might return to you!! I so wish to convince her that I am the one, that I am worth being with, worth loving and the one that can and will make her happy.

Letting go is not about what you need, but what the other person needs to make relationship possible again.

It still is so damn hard. Experiencing loss is never easy.....it is the dark unknown we fear....the feelings of hurt, rejection and loneliness. Everything comes to an end...and so will this unknown. Scary part.....it can only reach an end if it gets a start at some point.

Faith, hope and love.

Strenght of Character

I have just been reminded again of the importance of being true to your character.

It is important to walk a healthy journey to establish a sound character first of all. For most people this journey in itself is something they avoid their entire life.....or most of it.

Why? Beacuse this will take them out of their comfort zone. The reality that they might loose 'friends'. Because it is convenient for them to ignore true character. The damage and hurt created because of this avoidance is great and leads to much sadness one day. That question "what if" that you will carry, and the wonder that goes with it.

So what is character? A sound character is based on goodness. It is based on the respect that God carries of you and for you. Because in the end only His opinion of good behavior is what is going to bring joy and love and this is what is going to matter and last eternally.

Yet when you have reached the point of establishing a sound character in your life, then living in line with it is even more important. The minute you start making choices that is not in line with your character, then you start to experience a strong sense of guilt. You start believing that you are not a good person anymore and a very unhealthy stone starts rolling down the hill.
Unless you act with courage and start making choices to re-align with your character, you will start loosing yourself and relationships around you will suffer and increase the guilt and sense of being a bad person. Which you are not, but you are simply acting out of character which creates this experience.

Have the courage today to make choices in line with your character, people know who you truly are and they miss you. They are waiting for the true you to return....because that person is stunning to be with!

The choice is yours.

Freedom of choice

Freedom of choice and freedom of speech is phrases that have been thrown around a lot lately in every country across the world. We all demand it and we say that we all grant it to others.

Legally we have freedom of choice, but do we truly have freedom of choice emotionally and professionally? Do you experience having the freedom to make a choice even if it means you will make a mistake?

When you freely chose and made a mistake.....did it lead to the end of your relationship, your marriage?
When you made a choice and it was the wrong decision.....did it prevent you from being promoted at work or maybe even got you fired?

So do we truly have freedom of choice?
Are we allowed to make a mistake in order to grow and learn?

Are you giving others the freedom of choice?
Are you willing to support your spouse to grow by allowing them to make a mistake and standing by them in love.....not with hard words.
Are you supporting your staff to grow/learn/develop by allowing them to make a mistake and then encourage them towards the correct or better decisions.

We all want the freedom.
Are we giving what we want?

Listening.....are we really listening?

Forgive me for not having been active on the blog the last 20 days. I hope what I learned in this time will support you in your life as it did mine.

You will certainly understand what I am about to write, but the big question is: 'Are you willing to listen to what I have to say?'

Listening is one thing, but then to truly hear what the person has to say is something completely different. With great sadness I realised how, with the best of intentions, we do listen when someone speaks to us but we do not truly hear them. The minute they say something that we do not want to hear we unconsciously stop listening. We then either interrupt them or just wait for them to finish so that we can convince them otherwise.

When this happens and we do not hear, then you can't truly understand and connect with that person. You can't make any positive contribution to their life, your relationship or the situation at hand. You will find yourself going in circles with the same issue or situation repeating itself over and over again. Frustration and resentment is the end result and relationships get hurt. All we end up doing is delaying the positive outcome we are hoping for and in search of.

Did you hear what I just said?

Where in your life are you not listening?
What situation in your life are you listening but not hearing?

It is hard allowing yourself to truly hear, because you realise in that moment that you are not in control.......you cannot change/control the other person to get what you want. In that moment you have to face your fears. In that moment you have to risk......you have to risk love, loss, hurt, having to grow, having to wait, having to face the consequences!

I started to hear and am hoping for love, risking loss, am facing the consequences and often experience hurt. But I do understand and therefore are able to make a conscious choice from the heart.....not one driven by emotions.

I listen.....
I hear.....
I understand.....
I choose......
I hope.....

Good intentions.....is it good enough?

Wow, it has been a week of great learning. Again I have become aware that we will never stop learning or growing in life. The question and most propably the biggest question in life is just that: "Are you truly willing to grow...even when it is not nice?"

Reality is that growing is never a great experience initially......but when your awareness changes and you start to grow in a specific area of your character and life.....wow, it is awesome. It is truly life changing.

What moved me was to deeply realise that no matter how good my intentions are, even if my heart is at a good place concerning my intention, that it does not mean it is the right thing to do.

My intentions has no control over the experience the other person is going to have.....and absolutely no control over the consequences of my actions or words.

Completely unconsciously we will find ourselves trying to justify our actions by means of our good intentions. We will try to convince the other person that we meant well. That they should see it for what we meant it! The more you try to justify and convince, the more you loose 'face' and integrity in the other persons eyes.

We truly need to do what we can to get control of our emotions that drives these 'good intention' behavior. I have experienced that it is mostly driven by a sense of desperation and fear. It even might be genuine concern.....yet still driven by fear.

It is your word at the end of the day that should be the final decider. Always keep your word, no matter how tough it gets, keep your word. It is the one thing that no one can take from you.....only you can give it away.

Importance of being honest

More and more I come to realise how the word "honesty" and being an honest person is nothing more than convenience to most people.

Most people are being honest only when it suits them. They are honest only when asked the question, but will not out of their own share the absolute truth even when they know it is affecting someone else they care about.

It might be that they do not wish to hurt someone......
Maybe they wish to avoid closing a back door......
Or they don't want to admit being in the wrong in some area.....
Many times it is trying to save face as it were, that you will keep thinking good of them.

Reality, as we know it, is that the truth ALWAYS comes out sooner or later. Not having shared the absolute truth from the start, all you have achieved is making the consequences greater than what it would have been!!! It might cost the company more money. The accumulative cost or problem might be greater now. Instead of hurting one person, they trusted you and shared the story with others, and now more people get hurt and distrust you also.

The hurt or stress the other person(s) experience will be greater, not to mention the hurt or stress they experienced the days, weeks, month leading up to finding the truth. The back door you hoped to keep open will most probably be replaced by a brick wall for the future.....no chance to restore. News spreads fast and you will loose face with more people than you ever would have thought possible. 

How do you restore that kind of trust that got broken?

The hardest part is that you will have to live with it the rest of your life, those regrest that we all carry at some point, until you get to the place where you finally are able to accept forgiveness......and hope to receive forgiveness. Till that day, your lack of absolute truth will eat your heart in the moments you are with yourself. Those regrets will consume your thoughts. It might never go away and your life will bear the fruit.

There is nothing more destructive in your life than carrying guilt with you. I refer to it as being a silent killer. You can try to fool yourself that it doesn't matter, try to keep busy to ignore it, try to replace it with someone else or something else......but it will always return.

So have the courage and be absolutely honest, speaking the whole truth right now no matter what it might cost you. Today is your chance to change your life. The choice is yours..........and remember, you don't get to choose or control the consequences, but your choice is in your hands.

The impact of Importance

This week or maybe even month, I am going to focus on "importance".

How important is it to you?

How often do we actually take the time to ask this question in depth before we make our decisions in life? We are so quick to say that something is important, but when you stop to truly look at it, how important is it really to you?

When I talk about "it", I am referring to things and people.

How important is it really for you to spend time with someone?
How important is it really for you not getting to the place where you wish you did spend time with that person?

How important is it really for you to schedule that meeting right now?
How important is it really for you to make that phone call....or answer that phone right now?

What we need to realise is that importance should be the drive behind our actions and decisions. And it will and it does. If something isn't truly that important, you will delay or postpone it.....do something else instead. We are in control of our actions and decisions, BUT you are not in control of the consequences!!!

And the consequences is what you are going to have to live with....and you don't get to decide if they will be good or bad! And you are going to have to carry that cost......

So how important is it to you.......to just start thinking about the importance before you act or make a decision. How important is it?

Look at the situations you are facing in your life right now.......and ask this question......how important is it?