The Power of Being Grateful

I am once again reminded of the power that our emotions have in life. But to be perfectly honest and real about it, an emotion is just that, an emotion. It has absolutely no power until we focus on it and make that emotion a reality in our life. 

There are more than enough experiences and events in one day to drive our thinking and speaking into negative conversations....be it in our head or with people over a cup of coffee. Driving to work first thing in the morning you are bombarded with newspaper headlines on the lamp posts with one disturbing or upsetting story after the other. Not to mention the taxis and cars that undercut you or sit on the back of your car so that you can almost see the breakfast they had!

All of this and your day have not even started at work with challenges you will face there. Did I mention you got up at home with your spouse being unhappy because you left the kitchen messy or spilled some coffee on your way out? Of course your child struggled to get up and the 15 minutes of nagging started to get you frustrated and maybe an angry word slipped out which left your daughter in tears.

Emotions are simply the most powerful energy that sits behind every decision you make in life...

That is why I can share with all the conviction within me to encourage you to shift your focus when you feel down. Evoke a positive emotion that will change the course of your day. How do you do this? Focus on someone or something that you are deeply grateful for. Take just a few minutes and shut yourself off from all the 'noise' around you that distracts you...and focus on just one thing or one person that you are truly and deeply grateful for. In that process you will feel the negative energy disappear and replaced by joy. Enjoy that thought and bask in that emotion for a while....let it sink in. Then kick that negative emotion's butt by taking action....pick up the phone and call that person whom you are grateful for and share it with them. Even more powerful, share it in person if you can!

That real moment of sharing your gratefulness will have such a powerful positive impact on the rest of your day and in the life of the other person.

So take a moment....make that call...and let the power of being grateful change your life and that of someone else today.

You are worth it!

The Key to Great Performance

Keep your personal problems at home when you come to work!

We have all heard this and for some reason the corporate world still holds on to this belief. Time and money is spent on the hard issues at work when it comes to training and development. But the reality is that we keep bringing the soft issues, those personal stresses from home to work with us. Not because we are failures or not good enough, but because that is what makes us human.

First, here are signs of distress. The intensity will increase as the stress increases without effective help being provided.
• Increased absenteeism
• Reduced productivity
• Friction with employees
• Crying or yelling
• Dressing inappropriately
• Becoming accident-prone
• Coming in very early/staying very late
• Joking about everything
• Constant forgetfulness

As economic pressure increase, so does the time dealing with personal employee issues.

The sooner companies start to provide effective support on how to deal with personal issues the sooner performance will improve. Companies can't see this as a personal problem that needs to be dealt with privately...it is a company problem and one that is growing rapidly. In 2013 it was reported that personal stress impacts the performance of 49% of employees, causing them to spend on average a minimum of 2 hours per day dealing with these personal issues at work. That is 25% of their working time, costing the SA private sector about R60bn per year.

The solution?

Many companies react by tightening HR protocols and procedures. Regulating phone calls and Internet usage have become everyday practice. To be honest this has not made any positive impact on performance, instead it created the opposite. When my child has an issue I will find ways to deal with it...and that is just the reaction from a loving parent.

However, empowering your people to deal with personal issues effectively will make them more efficient at work as well. The more empowered people become in managing relationships the more effective they will become. No single training course can make this happen. Implement regular talks on relevant topics at work for people to attend. Just short 45min practical sessions which people can process and take home or back to their desk.

At BE REAL Company we provide regular (bi-weekly or monthly) Be Real Sessions which give people the insights and practical tools to influence behavior in their corporate and personal environment. These are at a fraction of the cost to what normal training sessions would be allowing for consistency in these sessions.

Contact us today on 0823706915 or johan@bereal.co.za

You are worth it!

Leadership and the consequences of Change

“The Only Thing That Is Constant Is Change ” ― Heraclitus.

We have all heard this quote and most of us have used it at some point. I can recall a few times in life when I used it just to sound smart, trying to impress people :)  And then recently I used it because it was very apt in my own life. It is easy to throw smart quotes around when it is not your life being impacted, when you are removed from the intense and real emotions experienced by the person in the middle. Like the man in the arena who knows that people are watching, who can feel people expecting what they think to be the right thing to do...the easy critic from the sideline.

Yet when something important to you gets taken away, when it is lost and your sense of safety is threatened, then you are faced with what we call 'change'.

It is at this point that 'change' really gets your attention. 

It might be the first month that you or your department/team under performed. It might be the 3rd of 4th month in a row and the concern triggers a reaction...questions are being asked. The marketing plan that sounded spectacular three months ago is not working and, looking at it today, the reasons are obvious. Questions are being asked.
It might be the first test your child failed and she was so successful with the curriculum that was used the previous year...or the first report from school on poor behavior. Questions are being asked.
You didn't properly close the freezer door last night and this morning the kitchen floor is soaked, even worse all the meat have defrosted! How will your spouse react...when the question gets asked? The electricity in your home have been changed to 'pay as you go' and without noticing, 3 o'clock this morning the power in your house goes off. Late for work, late for school.....questions are being asked.

Change is happening faster in our world today than ever before. We are having to deal with so many changes taking place in our business, personal, social and spiritual worlds. My grandparents maybe had to deal with only a hand full of major changes in their business space during their life time. We are having to deal with a hand full of changes almost every year at the moment. Technology, to economics, politics and media to name a few.

Where does leadership fit into all of this? 

Let's get real perspective here. As a husband you are supposed to be a leader in your marriage. As a father the leader in your family, the minute one person answers to you then you have stepped into a leadership position at work.

People look up to a leader for safety, for guidance and support, for compassion and direction, for inspiration and perspective. Leaders NEED to inspire TRUST. With change being constant and more major changes being part of our reality in all areas of life, one question is taking its place and  becoming more relevant today than ever before:

As a leader, how do you deal with change...can your response to change, especially major changes, be trusted? Are you constant in your response to change?

When people around you get anxious or displaced with a change event, are you emotionally and verbally steady and approachable? When you respond to the change event, do people take note and respect or do the eyes start rolling in disrespect and maybe people scatter to get out of the firing line? 

Start to ignite more positive responses from people around you when change happens. Invest in the way you respond to changes taking place, invest in your character. Mentoring has become one of the most important leadership support structures in the world today.

BE REAL about your life and the change that is inevitable because the consequences are real.

You are worth it!

When reality is not the Truth!

At this point in life I am sure that each one of you have had an experience where you realized how two people can look at the same thing and see it completely different. Just the other night my stunning wife and I was having dinner with friends. Well the husband said something and as we were driving home it came up in conversation. My wife said it is so awesome that her friend has the ability to speak his mind, to be so authentic. I simply thought what he said was completely rude and ignorant!

Sound familiar?

The last few months my world, both in my corporate and personal space, have been filled with the intense need for trust and honesty to make a comeback and for people to face the reality of their circumstances. But something was missing for me in all of this. Yes these things are important and needed in our world today as they are so greatly lacking, but something was missing.

This morning when I was having quiet time it hit me, how could I not have seen it all this time?!! I realized that the physical evidence playing out in front of me....reality according to me....is not necessarily the truth! No, the absolute truth is that thing sitting at the core driving a person's behaviour. That child playing the music system so loud that the entire neighborhood can hear, that action is the reality that we see, but the absolute truth might be that the child is missing undivided attention from his father.....who is either too busy working all the time or not interested in his son's life.

So my desire this morning was to have the wisdom to see the truth in my daily reality so that I can make a healthy impact. For me to make choices that will have a life changing effect on my reality and not actions or words that attempts or hopes to get rid of the reality...just cover it up or wipe it under the carpet.

No, the truth can only be positively changed through sincere actions. Your true desire to get real understanding, to not be afraid of asking the question cause you are not afraid of the answer you might get.

Be real about the truth in your reality. When you experience unwanted behaviour, stop for a minute and try to understand what the truth is behind the reality before you react. Have the courage to find the truth in your own behaviour so you can be real about who you are.

You are worth it!

Motivational Talk - "A Life of Second Chances"

Half way through the year and your employees, most people in general life, are tired and slowing down? This inspirational talk will have you in stitches while at the same time get you thinking about challenges you might be facing in your personal and professional life.

Take this opportunity and motivate your staff, leave them inspired by the talk and energized for the rest of 2014.

Contact me today with enquiries: johan@bereal.co.za  +27(0)823706915

The Tipping Point

Some people might have seen it coming. A few may have mentioned it to you or even warned you out of love or out of judgment.

Others may have encouraged you and admired the strong will in you to carry on and do what you've been doing. Certain people even go as far as wishing they were able to do what you do.

You on the other side however did not see it coming!

Like death and taxes, it is a certainty in life that all of us have a unconscious default coping mechanism when it comes to dealing with emotional stress. Some of us start to eat, others drink, revert to porn or sex, others may turn to work or exercise.

When you experience regular or constant emotional stress that are not being dealt with in a healthy manner to achieve a successful outcome, your default coping mechanism will build up and build up till it eventually reaches a tipping point.

The Law of Consequences   

Everything we do or say in life has consequences. Therefore in the build up process to this tipping point you might have experienced consequences that tried to get your attention, make you aware of what is busy happening. The consequences however is one thing in life that we are NOT in control of. So the heart attack as a result of your eating was a consequence you were not in control of. The car accident you were involved in was a consequence you were not in control of, nor the two people who died in the accident or you loosing your leg. You did not choose for your spouse to walk out on you because of having slept with someone else, but it did happen.

We end up spending almost all our time and energy trying to influence these consequences when we reach the tipping point, but you are not in control of them.

You might sit now, looking back, and see how your spouse warned you time and time again when you were busy watching porn which eventually may have led to you taking the step to sleep with someone else. You wish you paid attention to that thought that rushed through your head when you had to buy larger clothes as your previous ones did not fit anymore, when you woke up at home having passed out on the sofa from drinking and it was only lunch time.

The Choices Ahead

You might be wondering what now? If you are that is a great thing. The tipping point has a greater purpose in life and that is to wake you up and get you on the path that you were created for! So take this chance you have been given. Grow in your character and learn, start making good choices and surround yourself with people who support this process with experience.

This is the one thing that you are in control of when you are willing to start living with greater awareness...and that one thing is your choices. As your choices become better the consequences you experience in life will also get better.

So start listening to those voices in your head or from others close to you. Reflect on them to see if maybe you need to pay attention before you reach the tipping point. Take this opportunity to get real and BE REAL about your life. No harm in asking someone the question.

You are worth it! 

The Cost of Pride

The dictionary defines pride as a feeling of pleasure from one's own achievements. In other words it is, in your eyes, the feeling of pleasure you get from having achieved something based on your own power, knowledge and abilities.

This feeling of pleasure flowing from pride has a flip side as well, which is the feeling of disappointment when the outcome is not what you wanted. When you are driven by pride, this feeling of disappointment most often accompany behavior like anger, denial, conflict, lies, justification and excuses. This often happends in an attempt to find someone else to blame cause this makes you feel better and strokes your sense of pride.

This sense of pride is always tied to things, be it physical things like a big house, a smart car or label clothing. It might also be tied to accomplishments like winning a sports game, closing a business deal or getting the beautiful girl to love you.

The problem then, or reality of life, is that in order for you to be happy you constantly need to assemble or get hold of new things. Why? Because physical things always change and never are a constant, therefore your joy and happiness can't be a constant either and will always change.

Pride is a sense of 'being' that grows with these things in your life. The more things you have the greater the invitation for your pride to grow and the more opportunities you have to experience a sense of loss or disappointment. The end result is you growing more and more distant from the true you as the you are more and more tied to these things you assemble.

1 John 2:15-17 states, "Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the things of this world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the things of this world. And the things of this world passes away, and the lust thereof..."

The opposite of pride is humility. Humility is not being weak!

We have this incorrect idea of humility being a state where you always back down, turn the other cheek and play second fiddle. Humility is simply the choice and ability to stand on the word of God, to trust the Father.

When you achieve something great in life because God gave you the ability and the mission then your celebration is not pride in your own ability but rather the celebration of your faith in a trustworthy Father.

When on that journey something does not match the outcome you wanted, then you know it is not the end yet but a necessary step on your way to victory, because the Father wants the best for you! This view allows you to grow as a person and to not get beaten by life.

So change your perspective on life, reach out to a living and loving Father!

You are worth it!